My website is currently going through a very sexy upgrade but since you’ve landed here, I’ll just give you a quick backstory so you can get to know me a little. My aim is to ignite a fire in your gut, touch your heart and let you in on how I can bring you back onto your path, show you how to unshakle the chains, set yourself free and turn your mess into magnificence.
NOW ALLOW ME TO LET YOU IN ON THE FUCKING EARTHQUAKE OF A LIFE PIERCED WITH MOMENTS OF GODLINESS AND REVELATIONS.
As a child,
I went from a resilient, inward, magician type to drowned, depressed and contemplating ways to die. It was as if someone had suddenly turned all the lights off, locked me in, and walked away. One day I woke up and it stopped being OK to go to school or to be around people. The darkness that marked my waking hour meant that my first wish was to die. The family GP had the marvellous idea to put me on a prescribed drug, so for much of my childhood, I was numbed, suppressed and existing through confusion and chaos.
had decided to embark on a mum vs dad war and I was caught up in the middle.
My dad, as long as I remember had two personalities – one that emerged as a total paranoid obsessive monster and the other was normal. There was military precision in his expectations and we did not dare do anything but abide. Toothpaste, shampoo bottles and many more toiletries were emptied in the sink if they weren’t in the right place or tightly sealed. It was insanely done, so we could witness and be engulfed in confusion and guilt. One day, he would be drawn in beastly silence; others he would joyfully interact. We just couldn’t get it right. He would silence us if a light switch was left on, if we spoke up, if we were just being kids AND if we walked in socks. This in fact became the title of my first memoir, I wrote 7 years ago.
Walking in Socks
Dance was my only saving grace
I only had one mission
that to find what lacked in my childhood. I grew up in search of what was missing and I embarked on a series of painful and karmic relationships. It was a drowning and relentless search for love. I had to find the replacement to fill the gaping sores of loneliness. My setting was based on rejection, blame and pain. I learnt irresponsibility, confusion, fear and inconsistency and those became my leading qualities. Marrying someone who says, ‘I will fucking rape you if you don’t let me’, when you are only 16, pretty much sums up how worthy I felt as a young woman. And that was just the beginning. (All the letters I wrote to my exes are contained in my memoir)
My attention was pulled in so many directions. I looked for myself in countries, jobs, relationships, material things, but I was nowhere to be found. Time alone was unthinkable, in case I found myself facing the truth or worse still, myself! In the midst of this and with the highest pre meditated intention, I had Jules. Wanting a child was the only clear spark in my heart. Jules marked the end of an era and the beginning of a very profound spiritual journey. During the birth, my body broke on many levels and I was left in a corner fighting demons, attempting to get back to my Dance and claiming some sort of normality.
Life’s intention was clear. The body needed to break so I could marvel and morph. It was the first turning point.
i had to break apart before I could come together
Following years of
I experienced the grand finale of destruction – a short, sharp, sweet encounter with an ex druggie. He had signed a lease into my life with my permission. There were two of us but only one rhythm - his own - and I went with it because mine was non-existent. It was just raw, manipulative passion heading towards a deadly disaster. Little did I know that this would mark the biggest life-changing groove in my life.
Following the toxic break-up, I ended up in the living room of a dear friend in London, with no path ahead trying to figure out how to cope with my deadly destruction, the upbringing of my child, motherhood itself and a life that was going nowhere.
I remember calling her asking her for a workout DVD one day. Something happened and
a loud calling to India became the new voice in my head.
Everyone thought I was crazy.
For the first time in my life, I knew I needed to follow a calling and in all my instability, I turned my back to the world and left. I had to unlearn the destructive behaviour I sponged from my childhood and meet up with the person I was most afraid to be with – myself. I needed to wake up, dive in or die, but the harshest lessons were yet to come. I needed the balls to face myself in total silence and cleanse my soul of the abandonment that had made me sprout into a grown, but lost, soul. I needed to release the white-knuckle grip on life, unlearn my childhood and experience a potent life change.
My biggest teachers so far were my dad, Depression, Motherhood and failed Relationships but the biggest spiritual jackpot was still to come.
India bitch slapped me into place
It forced me to find courage in chaos, calm within a chaotic state of mind and peace in the darkest unknown. This Holy land was the platform where I rose from the drudgery to where I am now.
Fast-forward 9 years of life transitions, a 360 career switch which took me from the Dance studio to a platform of Mind+Body Rehabilitation, a permanent move to India, the passing of my dad 2 weeks later, the deepest redesign of my womanhood, my life and my transformational work with women
And the writing of my next life journey & self-love memoir – I am Woman.
Here's a little trail to what truly lead me to the writing of this book....