This heart rendering letter represents life, shit torpedoes and divine blessings.
It speaks on behalf of the many women who have encountered dicks and never laid it to rest; probably suppressing huge emotions, only to find them staring at them round the next corner of life.
It also celebrates the art of fearless writing and freedom of expression.
I love it!!
Having these life moments to share, gives me the opportunity to assist the world around me to adopt a funkier attitude towards life!
May these words be of solace and laughter but most of all, may they teach you how to take a shit moment in your life (and we’ve all been through them) look at it for the blessing that it truly is, put your Goddess apron on and turn it into the sweetest lemonade!
One last thing before I embark on my usual comical philosophy, may I remind you that when you decide to call someone a dick or an arsehole or a bastard, you always need to sit down with yourself first and assess whether you were the biggest one in the first place!
And I do hope you all know what I mean by that ;)
So with a note of comedy and another of philosophy,
I shall leave you to enjoy this letter
This is a name that you lovingly chose for yourself and I hereby fondly agree with it!
Now to the readers, especially the ladies, may I advise you that when a man calls himself and admits to being a dick, do yourselves a fat favour; buckle up, turn the engine on, push him out of the vehicle (preferably when it’s not moving) and drive off!
Back to you my dear dick.
I must congratulate you for the spiritual facade and masking that you presented yourself with, it is truly admirable how well one actually manages to hide and avoid challenges and life itself. It is also enchanting how one can be romeo one minute to being inconsiderate and poker face harsh cold a second later, especially during my sickest and bleakest moments! But thinking back, you’re not really to blame as I seem to remember, you being surrounded by your 'two best mates’ in the very beginning however, at a certain point this pair must have abandoned, leaving you to be the dick with no glands. That is quite a battle to fight, all by yourself ;(
I'll move onto a more beautiful thing now....love!
I think love has nothing to do with surrendering to the other half; it is actually putting self interest to one side and surrendering to the relationship itself. I doubt there was anything of the sort going on with you, my dearest dick however, on this note may I announce the utmost gratitude for exposing my fearless heart; thank you for the joy you allowed me to experience when you parted and for the relief my soul felt upon learning of its freedom.
Last but not least, thank you for dumping me, it gave me my mojo back and it also instantly filtered you out as a common stone rather than the gem I thought you were
You see, life’s trials have divine value for me; they are the light on my path, the blessings disguised as sorrow and the firing up of my essence. For a short while, before you appeared as dick, you were allowed to litter my mind with masked lies. You also caged my soul with complexities and showered my heart with bullshit. But I still am extremely grateful for all of this.
May I just add, that when your soul jumps and utters the loudest yabadabadoo at the mere thought and realisation that it has just been let out to live again, away from a caged and disturbing earthling, is the minute you know you have taken plenty of steps forward on your path. Needless to say however, that a cruel act such as yours inevitably causes pain but like I used my bacterial infection to detoxify my gut, I shall use this pain to purify my glory
Luckily in all of this, I held on to my fire and my centre, despite the ill health, remained grounded and intact and the landing wasn’t too bad!
I shall come to an end now. All I can conclude with, is that....
I do love, I do forgiveness, I do laughing and I do shit loads of crying, I do being a dick myself, in this case quite a large one for having allowed you anywhere near me; I do loud, I also do silent, I do second chances, sometimes third and stupidly even fourth, however I certainly don't do tip toeing and definitely don't do Jekyll & Hyde, life is too precious and too short for all that.
I also count blessings, I do that daily and whilst I will always count you twice in this regards, I will always fondly remember you as the limp dick that you truly are!
Yours in words