I am not one to get stuck and associate myself with anything especially numbers linked to age however this has been one of the sexiest most sensual heart opening exhilarating number ever....so far!
Maybe because I had decided that it was gonna be just that....wonderful and goddess like in every way or because I have...after being on this earth for this long...learnt how to live enormously!
I am always so perplexed at the drudgery that women feel in the anticipation of turning 40 or having celebrated the big 4 0 already. I am finding that it is now my right to do exactly as I please. I'm a big girl when it comes to decisions yet remain young at heart with most matters. I allow myself to be nice and naughty if I wish, to smile or to scream the house down if the external world irritates me, to laugh contagiously or to cry and hide for days.
On the note of crying, I have learnt to stop the champagne popping pity party though, if and when I hurt, I tend to wail, get it off my chest as quickly as it hit me and move on. Well after falling 7 times and getting up a million more, I am now an expert of how this works.
There is a certain 'right' you earn when you reach this age. A love on a different dimension. Self respect that you wish you had all throughout your growing years. The lack of guilt.
not so long ago I came across a book titled ..The way of the Fuck It! And oh boy have a adopted that attitude. It taught me to instantly drop the should bes and could haves and would haves, eliminate them permanently from my dictionary and say fuck it to whatever doesn't come my way, it made me laugh at my own shit and and make fun to my own destructive ego chatter. There are days when my utmost desire is to stay in bed and reply to all my emails under the sheet. Days when I feel awful and don't have the motivation to work out and wanna stuff myself with cake and get amused at the slightest glimpse of never ending orange dimpled skin. And the list goes on...but its all about shrugging your shoulders accepting it and saying fuck it!
However those days are minimal compared to the fearless fierce bold moments that the years behind me have filled me with. I'll let you in on some of the most powerful lessons that I have learnt and some of the fearless moves that I have taken and that I am about to embark on.
There is no life without it. Having experienced a road rage physical attack and actually shaking hands with my attacker and hugging him dearly in the middle of a police station brought much peace and perception. It was the scariest and the most dramatic life changing few seconds. It shook me into place and made me open my eyes to having more compassion to the world around me
Self acceptance...this was taken for granted for many years. We hate it when people call us names and offend us and take it all very personally yet we do that to our self on a daily basis. We call ourselves names when we make mistakes, we beat ourselves up when we fail, never realising that failing is actually growing, we look at ourselves in the mirror and see ugly and fat and useless...well yes there are days when I look at the mirror and think, Janet please don't leave the houseit is illegal to look like that! But I now do it with a gentle sense of humour. I experienced so many years of self sabotage that have destroyed my sanity and mental well being. I find life has become too precious and too short to continue with this sort of pattern. So it's oops and Fuck It all the way.
This next lesson may have actually be the most potent of all-I stopped making others opinion my business. period.
I got to know myself really well so whether people call me a princess or a whore just doesnt touch me anymore. I am neither, so it doesn't matter what people see me as! I accept who I was who I have become. People are welcome to judge and I am welcome to ignore. What I do, have done, will do are entirely my choices and my problems. Society is so attached to drama and bad news that it thrives to hear that others are not doing well, that they are depressed, that they are going through shit and life is not great. It feels free to imprint you with affirmations that do not match your journey. It makes you doubt, it fills you with fear, it forces you to ignore your own gut. And I am proud to say that I have stopped allowing others to be experts in knowing how I should conduct my life
On the note of fearless, bold and not giving a toss about others opinions, I have finally crossed off the top item on my ' to do before I die' list. I brought together my art, my skin, my soul and all my physical; stripped naked and posed sensually and fiercely nude. This celebrated my womanhood, my sensuality, my life in the most artistic of ways. It was and probably will be one of the most beautiful orgasmic moments of my life. All my Yoga and Dance and life in one shoot.
It's only been a little more than a month after my grand celebration and can write a book about my experiences (that's also in the process) so I'll leave you with one more.
Find a way of learning this, it is not something anyone can teach you, you gotta do it all by yourself. Ask for what you desire and make it very clear. Think of this. When you call your local supermarket for a delivery, you don't say, I need food and drink right? You need to specify, I need milk, bread, cheese etc. same as when you go to Costa and order your coffee you don t say, I'm thirsty I want to drink! You need to specify which coffee, which milk, how much froth, how much chocolate dusting, right? So be like that with your dreams. don't just say I want a house, be clear with the location and the size and it's surroundings. When you wish for a man, don't just settle for any male species...be clear with his flavour, his height, his hair colour, his qualities, his love, the size of his heart and the purity of his intentions. Do the same with all your wishes.
Be clear. Be bold. Be fearless.
And to all those in the 40 club, go skinny dipping, wink and flirt with a guy (if you re single) strip naked and stand in your balcony...but don't get yourself arrested:), appreciate your facial lines, they are the celebration of your life, pay attention to what you already have stop wishing for more, have a laugh, follow your intuition, wake up every single day and fall in love with yourself and with life. It is yours and it is short!
Yours in Words