There was so much pleasure and thrill in leaving things to the last minute, or seeking the most challenging path, that wrong relationship, that risky impulsive decision. Even my workouts were beyond normal. I could just go forever and never get tired. I just had to go at full speed.
I believe I may have made that decision after my parents split just to avoid being alone or in case I encountered a silent moment. I had this choking fear of facing the pain.
So, I escaped and let life chase me. I became a train crash ready to happen and it was like having 2 little voices always fighting over my decisions.
'Take this on, it's a risky challenge'
'No, this one is going to hurt you'
Just do it anyway, you got nothing to lose'
You got a lot to lose, choose the right thing for you'
'This is the right thing, if it came my way'
'Life is testing you, just don't'
This rush of pleasure was a high that did not last so I became an addict and always wanted more. It definitely wasn't what I needed but I went for it anyway because I was hooked on the thrill. Even when I felt my gut wrenching at me telling me to stop, I kept going.
It was a rollercoaster of very dangerous highs and lows. I was so dependent on this 'drug' that whenever there was a moment of stillness I used to instigate and make something happen.
The emotional wreckage was no different from being chased by a lion!
Life eventually caught up with me..
My organs started shutting down, my hormones went out of whack and my heart started showing signs of decline. I didn't pay attention straight away and after years of continuous abuse, life's signs started to become more lethal.
I had major heart issues; I was bedridden during my monthly ovulation, my eyes started to blur, pains down my left arm, no energy, fever every month and deadly moods. Life got my full attention when I experienced an anaphylaptic shock which nearly killed me
Numerous tests and medics found absolutely nothing wrong with me and I kept being sent home with 'You're just a little stressed'. I was tested by a holistic doctor and was clearly diagnosed with signs of depletion and distress in my endocrine system.
This was my contribution towards my adrenal exhaustion and here's a series of techniques I use to manage the internal chaos with no drugs. I also use remedies daily to support the damage but ultimately its the emotional root linked to the disease that has to be sorted so here's how you look inward and investigate
1. The 2nd Brain
Check in with the gut.
If I'm down in the dumps, teary for no reason, non motivated and heavy hearted, it usually means I need to clean my bowels. The gut is our 2nd brain and what we don't process in the upstairs department, gets thrown there for assessment. Many people tend to carry the world in their belly so underlying worries usually land there and the area starts to bloat, ache and be offended
Have warm detox baths, detox teas and lots of water to help clear up the space and let it all out
Take the 'no dairy, no wheat and no junk' rule very seriously in such cases
Balance your acidity and learn how to alkalise your system. (Oregano Oil, Apple Cider Vinegar and garlic are the most potent gut healers)
2. The Tired Body
There are life situations that do not allow us time to rest or sleep when needed, so in this case, stepping into our full awareness and
s l o w i n g r i g h t d o w n is our only way. Slowing down pace, movement and even speech. The more we rush the more life gives us situations that make us feel there is not enough time. Delete words like - 'I have no time' from your vocabulary.
Get in touch with your physical needs. Be very selective when it comes to physical exertion
Pay attention to what the body is trying to tell you - If there is a physical ache, there usually tends to be an deeper underlying emotional issue behind it. Stop pushing and rushing and getting everything done in a flash; Simplify everything and do one thing at a time and do it slowly;
Take your time in everything and step back a notch in all that you do.
We certainly need to fall in love with our body.
If it is swelling due to imbalanced hormones and your belly is overflowing be kind to yourself and realise that you are carrying extra weight for safety and comfort. The body needs to be shown affection so if you're talking rubbish about your self, Stop and change the script!
3. The Mind
This is a collection of things we do not see.
Thoughts and emotions that eventually reach and destroy our hormones and internal structures. We cannot see to the above unless we pause and get in touch with our utmost loudest cries. If our mindset is set on destruct, we will be operating on a very low vibration and the whole structure is going to respond to that. This tends to attract more lethal situations and the vicious cycle rolls on.
Unexpressed and suppressed emotions will eventually cause an organ to weep so have a cry if you're down or angry and once you're done with the water works, close your eyes and address what is causing you these emotions. Stay away from confrontation as this can cause even more depletion. If another human is distressing you, the best way to deal with it is to have, what I call, a 'Inner conversation' with them. Close your eyes, imagine the person in front of you and let out all that needs to be said. Tell them how you feel and that you are no longer accepting their behaviour. Do, say, express it all. This changes the energy between the 2 of you and its a win win situation. No confrontation and no suppression.
If you are overwhelmed - breath. Actually listen to the sound of your breathing whether you're driving, cooking or in a stressful meeting. Doing this will instantly cause you to slow down. Once you are alone and in bed, do a series of belly breaths and just watch the rise and fall of the body
If you are stressed - focus on the now. Meditation is key here. Keep it simple and never expect the thoughts to stop once you sit in Buddha pose. This is something that keeps most people away from meditation. The thoughts will not stop. Close your eyes, you position the focus on your breathing. Only that. That is one focus concentration. Thoughts will come even more and you just insist on bringing the focus back to your breathing. Over and over again until the mind gets it. The monkey mind is put in place and the thoughts start to slow down. Over time, this slowing down of thoughts becomes easier and you start to experience bliss. Be patient
Last but not least...
If you're harsh with yourself, change your vocabulary. Words like, It's easy, I'm OK, I feel supported, I'm beautiful, I love life, I flow with life and so on tend to rewire the brain structure and your energy starts to shift. Be grateful and forgiving towards yourself and keep showing YOURSELF love
This is a list that I adopted over time. I had no choice but to learn that I cannot be super woman all the time and that its ok to just be
Keep this in mind
Soft is the new strong so do not be afraid to be fragile and vulnerable
I wish you a very health mind and body
Your in Words