This is a pretty intimate story and I don’t share it lightly as it involves my son. I am going to use it to support a message I need to pass today around a very powerful tactic of healing. As always read with an open heart and mind, leave your ego and opinions at the door and only let your spirit guide.
I found myself in court with my lawyer on my right, a piece of paper that simply stated, I was being charged with some serious shit and that was it.
Chris, my ex and Jules’s dad sat opposite me with no eye contact.
Now, this was not the norm as Chris and I have retained a pretty normal relationship despite the separation. It was usually both of us being in a small courtroom discussing and deciding child support on a friendly note.
This clearly was not it and despite the ongoing battle for child maintenance and swollen egos, I was the one in the shit this time.
But I had no clue what it was all about.
I had full custody of Jules and I was pretty much taking care of most of it and yet I was ifacing a judge.
My ex’s lawyer was not my best friend of course and the image of her being shoved out of the window was a visual I had often. The thing is she had no diplomacy and all she did was dig wounds in a most unprofessional way. Infact there was a time I suspected she had the hots for my ex as her behavior had nothing to do with that of a diplomatic lawyer.
This time though, hots or not, she went to far.
The word neglect came about and my Kundalini rose in a flash.
I felt myself sitting up in my chair wanting to reach out and strangle her.
What the fuck was she on about.
This is no joke and within seconds, I honestly thought the Social services were gonna come and take Jules away. My reaction was that of a wild creature. The judge was there so I kept as much composure for his sake but a war started inside me.
My lawyer held my arm and squeezed.
She was as calm as nature and with a smile on her face she demanded more knowledge whilst holding me down.
As a mother, I was scared as I had no idea what was going on.
I kept looking at Chris for eye contact and nothing.
The guy wouldn’t even look at me.
Something was very wrong.
And finally it was clear.
The opposing lawyer brought a detail up around Jules’s school holidays and she was clearly trying to pin me down infront of the judge. It is all a blur now but I remember clearly that it was the only time I answered her with a smile. She had got the details so wrong that I wanted to laugh in her face.
There is no lawyer or law that can test a mother when she has it all in her tracks. And I had it ALL in my tracks. I knew details like an x-ray machine and she lost on this one.
Chris’s face changed and I knew there was something deeper.
I actually calmed down after that as I knew they were trying to pin me down with lies.
When I know in the depth of my soul that I am being honest, nothing can bring me down.
Then my lawyer pulled me round and whispered in my ears,
You are being charged with neglect. Stop talking and let me handle this
I shut up and I felt this dull greyness build up inside me.
Long story short, this was serious and it wasn’t just neglect.
It was neglect and abuse and I was about to lose my son.
His dad was asking for full custody and charges to be paid.
I left court and walked to my car with my head down that day.
I recall till today feeling a very full bladder and not caring whether I peed my pants or not.
I was done.
This had been a mum vs dad ongoing war around Jules and even though I had full legal custody of my son, the internal war never ended. This one was big and it pierced right through me.
I stopped trying to make eye contact with Chris and walked away.
I guess my lack of reaction brought Chris to his senses and he called a few hours later.
Jan, let’s sit for coffee before this gets dirty.
I agreed and then I heard the bottom line.
Jules had called his dad one day and said that he was always alone and I was beating him. I didn’t even react. I sat there and looked at Chris with a strong ‘Really?’ on my face.
It was the densest moment but in that instance I understood one thing.
Fighting the problem ain’t gonna solve anything.
I needed to go deeper.
And when I say deeper, I mean deeper beyond human level.
There was something rumbling beneath what the human eye could understand and I was pushed towards it.
The calm that came upon me that day was eerie.
Chris apologized for not having contacted me before taking me to court.
That day I understood clearly that you do not take your swords out and tackle the problem.
You go deep within you, fix what is going on inside then everything else flows.
We both knew Jules had lied.
Bless him, this was a boy of separated parents and I knew the tricks he was up to.
Being angry at him or at his dad was not the solution here although they both really and truly deserved a whack. My ego wanted justice for all the lies and pre meditated accusations but it wasn’t going to take me anywhere. This was a decade long battle of law, tears and heartache and I guess
life needed to slam me down with one MF sign.
I knew I had to listen.
Even asking Jules why he had done that, wasn’t even a solution.
Nothing normal, mundane, legal or human was going to solve this one.
My child had asked for help in the most horrific of ways.
He clearly wasn’t happy and I wanted to get to the bottom of things.
There was clearly no neglect as I had purposely redesigned the apartment so I could have all my workshops and 1 on 1’s in one end and he could be comfortably chilling in his room at the other end.
The abuse was our moments of rough play, tickling and wrestling around literally like kids.
That evening I asked for both of them to leave me alone.
Their energy was not something I was keen on and I entered that space of self-protection.
I was hurting big time yet no tears came out.
I cleared my agenda, called off my working schedule, took the phone of the hook and I went into what I now call, the top tactic for healing.
I won’t go into details of what it truly entails to prepare for it but I knew I needed a past life regression to give me answers to this one.
It usually takes 90 minutes but this was swifter.
I guess history was already making itself available to me before I even asked for it.
It was the quickest one I had ever gone on.
Apart from my deep practise of Yoga, this was a self-healing tactic I had embarked on as I found it was the swiftest way to a full on healing.
In the past, I had one long horrid experience with an expert practitioner and she left a very important aspect out of the Regression session. I was left in more confusion then when I started. This was the time, I exited from other people’s way of doing things and choreographed my own strategic and safe ways of doing this type of work.
Now this is where I stop sharing details.
What I saw in that Past Life Regression was and remains to be one of the most spectacular answers I have ever received but the details are too intimate and I only share them with you if you are working with me on an intensive level.
They also covers my son’s privacy.
History has solutions and taking one step back (in this case, one pretty long jump back to another life) IS the ONLY way to catapult the way forward.
It was as clear as clean water.
Jules and I were in this plane together for one reason and away from tags and titles, it had nothing to do with being mother and son. The usual mothering tactic of telling him what to do, chasing him with his homework and punishing him for not cleaning his room WAS NOT GONNA WORK.
And because of the details I had seen in the regression, letting go and changing tactics was now easy. Understanding a story on a different level IS where the healing happens and it was happening.
That day I vowed to release what society saw as ‘should be’ and go with what this soul work was asking me to do.
Let go of being a mother completely.
Put the sand in my hand and let it be.
The sand in this case was my only beloved child.
Now the thing is this.
When this work is done with a pure divine intention, deep prayer and a regal permission to be guided, both energies heal.
The rapport between us changed almost instantly.
Even though Jules in human form had no idea what I had seen and done that day, his soul responded and his energy changed.
I stopped doing what wasn’t working, unclipped his wings and gave him permission to fly away.
Away from his nest at the tender age of 12.
If it wasn’t for that regression, I would have continued to fight the density of the system with the density of my own ego and destroy both of us. With the vital soul info at hand, I felt the support I needed to do what society thought as crazy!
In my case, I was being asked to let go of being a mother, let go of what I should be doing as a mother, let it all go and follow the soul path.
And then the whole situation dissolved.
There was no more court, no more lawyers, no more battles.
It ended right there and then.
Oh come on!
I am not a floating Buddha.
I am made of skin, flesh, blood, pooh, snot and ego just like you.
I just happen to have life continuously veering me towards higher soul work.
Now let me come in with a warning.
I have already explained about the importance of following a safe formula for this tactic.
And before you go on thinking that this is a fluffy one off technique that can be used when and how you want, please think again. Soul work needs to be done with a very high respected level of spiritual maturity, awareness and openness.
Both mind and body need to be ready and the start and end of the session are as vital as the middle part.
It is THE tactic that has a structured formula and needs to be part of a strategy as that is the only way to tackle a deep issue at its ancestral root and heal it for good. Leaving frays of energy behind, not preparing for it and not sealing the work properly is dangerous and can cause more harm than good. It’s a little like going on an Olympic game run without a proper muscular warm up.
A muscular damage is inevitable..
The details in my story are intimate, so please respect them.
All my writing, this one especially, are aimed at the high calibre woman who is after a non-conventional and very sustainable way of healing long term, toxic past anguish. She is open in mind, heart and soul and has a spirit higher than her ego.
I wrote it on this level as it is time for me to talk about Past Life Regressions just like I talk to you about Yoga or Dance.
I am most passionate about this technique as it is one that could save you years of anguish and I can only tell you about it through my own vivid and raw experience.
Use it regally