On being bankrupt in Money & Spirit

I’ve shared it in my 1st book but never actually put it in the spotlight.

My memory fails me when it comes to the exact time this happened but what I definitely remember was that I was bankrupt with no home, no money, no love, no son and no spirit.

And I ended up in a strip club.
No I wasnt a member of the audience.
I was on the pole

A month prior following a very deadening court battle for my son, my decision to take myself to India to bring myself back from a suicidal spirit and trusting my son in the hands of his dad and a foreign country, I found myself homeless and on a plane to the UK.

I had tended to the spiritual side of my life and that of my mental sanity but the rest was depleted.
My son wasnt with me and any contact with him became minimal. My decision to leave him with his dad to take myself away on sanity rehab was for me and for him but unfortunately it didnt pan out that way.

During my absence, my son was under the impression that I left him and was sipping cocktails in India. I couldnt tell him that I was there so I could give up the cocktail of poison I was on and so I could come back to him as a ‘whole’ mother. There were contributors to his understanding of the situation and they werent healthy ones.

So, seeing that he was completely disconnected from me, I took off to the UK to get him back.
I’ll sprint it from here.

Managing to get him back was no easy task as he had been brainwashed beautifully but finding a way to stay in the country after I had lost property money and some sanity was harder.

I looked in the fridge once and there was one egg and a block of cheese and my thoughts were,

‘That is solid protein, it will keep me for 2 days.’

Then there was nothing else.
My plan to stay with a ‘friend’ failed because of a dispute and I had to use the rest of my savings to secure a place to stay.

So there it was
All areas of life exposed

My sanity - I had got it back after India but was on the verge of losing it again because this disconnect with my son

My physical health - I think I was super fit at that time so I wasnt worried

My love department - non existant

My bank balance - zero

My home - sorted for 6 months

My home life - destroyed

My spirit - dying from battling to get my son and being in a country that was not mine

My finances - bankrupt!

My chances to find myself a quick fix job to pay me some pennies to get by was also down to nil as the process of getting to that stage did not match my urgency.

They say you learn the deepest lessons when you have a broken heart, an empty pocket and a rumbling belly and I was equipped and qualified to get my highest learning

I am still in disbelief at how I went there and got on with it BUT powerful things happened whilst I was there and I will share.

I stepped into the club with a hoodie a rucksack and a bowed head.
I made myself unrecognisable and very normal so my son would not suspect anything. The big guys at the door had some difficulty letting me in as I looked like an underage student until I presented my ID. Then, into the dressing room and here you had no choice but to transform yourself into a vixen. I was used to backstage and dance studio competition but there was none of that. Back here I met some of the most powerful women - lawyers, doctors and other high scholars and most were single mothers. There was no small talk just silent preparation as we were all there to make a living. The body was just a vessel and in my case my dancing skills added to the bonus.

I warmed up doing Sun Salutations and breathing and no one ever commented.
Dresses were hung, jewels were in place and money pockets gracefully tucked in thongs.
We all had a brand and that’s where you were not allowed to fuck another about.

You decide on your look and you never step on another woman’s toes.
You go out in your slot to your chosen track, you decide on the audience member and you stay on your lane.
You step out of that alignment and you’re toast.

The first induction was clean.
They knew I could dance and I knew that to but for the love of life I had no idea how to sell it.
I was partnered with this gorgeous woman who knew her way around the club and was appointed my ‘guardian’ as I learnt the skills of the trade. I watched her demonstrate the pole and then I experienced her giving me a lap dance.

There are no words.
This is pure skill and power with the highest form of professionalism and the least amount of sleeze.

The aim - Get a client and exchange cash.
You had 2 bodyguards on either side of you so any dirty tricks and the guy is mercilessly thrown out of the club. This was high end protection and high end earnings but it also high in cost - the cost of your soul if you weren’t not ready for it and I clearly was not

The only thing on my mind was my son and the void in my fridge and selling from that desperatation is never a thing to try.

I witnessed 2 guys being thrown out as they refused to understand that I was not there to be touched
I witnessed a muscled gigantic Irish guy cry his eyes out after my performance and I also witnessed myself put my head in my hands and weep after a ‘sleeze’ encounter.
I saw girls gather as much as $5k a night and I felt the knife slash through me as I struggled to make $100.

There was absolutely no danger in it but my spirit was dying and so was I.
The energy I went home with was dense, I lost nights of sleep and the days I had to be with my son I could not be present.

The manager of the club called me in his office one day and asked me to sit

‘Janet’ he said

Girl you can dance to save your life and you can probably wipe all the girls clean with your skill, but you’re not cut out for this and we caught you on camera as you cried alone for 10 minutes.

For your sake, do not come back’

And that was my exit

This piece of writing comes to me now as I step into one of the most empowering stages of my woman. Cleaning out the closets is done for one reason and for one reason alone - that to extract the absolute power and wisdom from my past. It has no power over me unless I allow it but the wisdom that is extracted from it is endless and priceless.

I clearly had got myself in that situation and it called for those drastic measures to bring me back to a full reservoir. Skills to hone and polish all my life corners were not available to me then but I made sure to acquire THESE skills so I could become the woman I am now

A detriment if I didnt pass them on……


Looking at all departments of life I now can declare a few things

We need it ALL to be in place.
Health, love, home life, money, food, sanity, kids, job, mission. ALL OF IT
There is not one more important than the other and I know due to my past I have not been grateful enough to certain departments in my life.

Being in a strip club taught me a great big deal about the importance of wealth in finance, spirit, health and love. It also taught me about the power of self branding and being on your lane.

All of them need to be topped up as you will go off track and down a slippery hill to no-land.

So look at the big picture and put it all in equal perspective.
Don’t let one area deplete to the point of insanity as it will take its ugly tail and smack the other departments out of whack.

Don’t allow yourself to even start the slippery hill as speed is picked up at a chilling rate.
Catch yourself settling into lack - lack of power, lack of love, lack of forgiveness, lack of money, lack of doing, lack of responsibility…anything

And then make up that mind of yours and get all your shit together TODAY
💋J


If you are at the 'Awake' stageand you know you need to do something about your shit. You’re up, dressed and ready to take on the mountain, but you’re still shackled by some chains of your past,