“If you don’t let me, I’ll fucken rape you”
I was 16 and he was my first love. I accepted this demand and for years I went through a very extrmeme case of Vaginismus. My vagina was literally saying NO and I continued to let it happen.
I went on to marrying this guy so the toxins continued for a decade.
That is what happens when a child leaves home with no foundation or nurturing. She goes out into the big girl world looking to fill the void from her childhood.
Until I learnt what we store in our cells and how to cut cords and heal the karma, I experienced all sorts of complications and rigidity. I never stopped to dig at the root. I wanted to heal the surface of why I was ‘tightening up’ or why I couldn’t use tampons or why I was frigid during sex.
And most importantly why I was in such a toxic relationship.
A poison that effected me on a very deep cellular level to the point where I lost connection to myself as a woman
I dedicate this piece of writing to the woman who has encountered complications in her sacred areas of creation.
This is for the woman who may have been abused, raped, verbally and physically manipulated and/or have gone through a rough childbirth or abortion.
Whether the womb is present or not, you are still in time to heal the energy within the root cells.
These are the steps to assess what happened from conception to date.
It journeys you through different ages and taps into the stories and energies you may have picked up from childhood to womanhood.
These steps tap into your first layer - the conscious memory. They are in place to educate you on the unseen reasons behind the physical blocks
Healing starts when you enter the deeper level - the subconscious realm - and journey back to your conception.
This is the story between your parents. Your subconscious knows the level of intimacy connection and love that was present during their love-making. If these qualities were missing, your baby soul feels it.
You are conceived and carried in your mother’s womb. She develops a separate organ to nourish you as you start to form your human body. It is believed that the mother carries her child’s cells in her brain and that the baby feels every one of her emotions.
She carries her own wounds and those of her mother and past lineage.
Do you recall any distorted behavior from anyone close to you when you were little. Revisit from where you are now, a grown mature woman, and check in on the little one. Is she safe, nurtured, loved or has she been left to her own devices?
Early teenage years and beyond
This is when you are developing your sexuality.
When did you start menstruating and how was that experience?
What do you witness around you?
Is it love or fear?
Were you nurtured and nourished as a young woman and were you aware of what was going on in your own body and life?
Do you feel curious to explore your sexuality or have you downloaded fear around touch from your surroundings?
Did you try and replace love with sex?
Go back to your 20’s, 30’s, 40’s
What was the relationship with yourself?
Has your NO gone unheard?
Recall your first and all your sexual experiences?
Were these loving situations?
What energy and vibe did you collect from your lover/s?
Who did you allow in your sacred space?
Do you carry any toxic energy within you?
Do you have any unfinished business?
Were you in touch with your own body?
Were your boundaries in place?
Frigid or frivolous?
You are carrying your child now and you go back to the beginning.
What are your emotions during pregnancy?
What was the connection when you created your child?
Are you in touch with the child or has it caused you to disconnect?
What are you passing on?
Revisiting these stages through regression, meditation and subconscious work, means you acknowledge what happened and you start the process of releasing the poisons that may have accumulated within. Poisons that aren’t seen by the human eye but experienced on a deep and cellular level. You are also bringing fragments of spirit back which allows you to enter into a higher form of understanding and forgivness.
Going back is a revisiting and not a reliving.
You revisit all the stages that affect your womb and allow the subconscious layer to tell you what the soul needed then.
You act like the guardian.
You serve the broken parts of you
You go back in realm as the woman you have become today.
You stand in your power and healing intent and you restructure all the events through divine understanding, forgiveness and the highest form of release.
This is a brave journey in to purify you from any wounds that do not belong to you.
It is healing from the inside out