I only had one mission
that to find what lacked in my childhood. I grew up in search of what was missing and I embarked on a series of painful and karmic relationships. It was a drowning and relentless search for love. I had to find the replacement to fill the gaping sores of loneliness. My setting was based on rejection, blame and pain. I learnt irresponsibility, confusion, fear and inconsistency and those became my leading qualities. Marrying someone who says, ‘I will fucking rape you if you don’t let me’, when you are only 16, pretty much sums up how worthy I felt as a young woman. And that was just the beginning. (All the letters I wrote to my exes are contained in my memoir)
Following years of
I experienced the grand finale of destruction – a short, sharp, sweet encounter with an ex druggie. He had signed a lease into my life with my permission. There were two of us but only one rhythm - his own - and I went with it because mine was non-existent. It was just raw, manipulative passion heading towards a deadly disaster. Little did I know that this would mark the biggest life-changing groove in my life.
Following the toxic break-up, I ended up in the living room of a dear friend in London, with no path ahead trying to figure out how to cope with my deadly destruction, the upbringing of my child, motherhood itself and a life that was going nowhere.
I remember calling her asking her for a workout DVD one day. Something happened and